By Carly Fullmer

Well, its the day of the Big Ass Show, and Im in a small room at the State Fairgrounds with Bert McCracken, Jeph Howard, and Quinn Allman of The Used. Were all sitting on the tile floor, which Quinn is drawing a picture on. "Were probably going to get fined for this," he says. The interview started off swimmingly with Bert shoving a piece of ice down my pants saying, "Youre lucky that wasnt down your underwear." The rest of the interview followed suit and we talked about many interesting issues like selling out, why Patrick Swayze sucks, the correct pronunciation of "mayonnaise," their signing to Reprise (Warner) records, vegetarian hot dogs, and their history with the Big Ass Show.

Note: Many, many instances of the word "like" were deleted from the dialogue of this interview. Quinn asks, "Do I say like way too much?" Yes Quinn, you do.

SLUG: Lets start out with the most important question of the day. Is Bert in fact dating Kelly Osbourne?

Bert: Thats your first question?


SLUG: Yes, didnt you hear that SLUG is now a tabloid?

Bert: Kellys a really sweet girl. Weve been on dates before. Can you erase that?


(Thats all Bert had to say about it, but inside sources say that the couple was seen around 4:15 at the Graywhale tent holding hands!!!)

SLUG: You guys are headlining the Big Ass Show. What do you have to say about that?


Jeph: You know, last year I couldnt even come to this show cause I didnt have enough money.


Quinn: What happened with us is really crazy. It happened for us. Were headlining the show today and two years ago, we gave John [Feldman, of Goldfinger] our demo at this same show. This is a dream come true, this is it.

Jeph: Did you see my tacky bracelet? Its got magnets on it so its not so tacky. Its for my damn wrist. [Jeph then begins talking about his tattoos, pointing to one on his forearm, he says] It actually swelled. Swelled? Swolled? Was swollen? It was swollen right here. It was the weirdest thing ever, besides that whole Quinn fucking the dog thing.

Colby (SLUG photographer): In the last interview wasnt Quinn fucking something else?

Quinn: Yeah, a mayonnaise jar.


Bert: Maynaise?


Jeph: Mayohnayse?


SLUG: Mahnayse? OK, anyway, so we know that you gave your demo to John Feldman. Then you signed to Reprise. What was the whole legal process with signing to a major label? Was it all politics?

Quinn: We were kind of in a bidding war with maybe 10 different labels and we were really interested in Island. But at the last minute, Warner flew us out to L.A. and they didnt pamper us at all or anything, they just took us straight to their office and said, "This is exactly what we think of your band, these are our intentions."

Bert: They were really pumped about our music and really serious about us having a career. They werent trying to pump some radio songs.


SLUG: So I guess a buzzword in the business is "creative control." Like when I hear that one of my favorite indie bands has signed to a major, I breathe a sigh of relief if they have been promised complete creative control. But is there any truth to that? Were you guys promised it? Do you actually have it?

Bert: Oh, we have it.


Quinn: Yeah, all creative control since the beginning.


Jeph: Its pretty indie.

Bert: Pretty indie? Yeah, its pretty independent.

SLUG: Oh, is that what indie means? Ive always wondered.

Quinn: No, no, it means the Indy 500.

Jeph: No, its Indianapolis, Arizona, like when we played there for the Warped Tour.


Bert: I thought it was Kansas.


Jeph: Kansas molasses.

Quinn: Since the onset of AIDS, there will be no ass-kissing on the job.


Bert: Sgood.


Quinn: Sgood.


Jeph: Sgood.


Colby: Did that follow any train of thought? Any pattern?

SLUG: Yeah, sure it did. Didnt it?


Bert: Why are you trying to ask me all these questions? Its like youre interviewing me or something.

Quinn: Erase that.


Jeph: Can you go back and erase the sgood thing too?

SLUG: OK, getting back on track, lets talk about money. Every band I talk to, yourselves included, say that a huge reason why you signed is so you didnt have to get real jobs and so you could get paid to do what you love. Youre on a major label. Is it what everyone says, are you making a killing, or just making enough to stay on tour?

Quinn: I guess well start making money, thats what we hear.


Jeph: Yeah, if we sell enough records to do that.


Bert: I just signed to a major label so I could meet a lot of nice people and stay on tour for the rest of my life. I dont give a fuck about money. I really dont.

Jeph: Im happy just to play my bass, thats all I really care about.


Bert: A lot of people probably say that they dont give a fuck about money so theres nothing I can really say to make it sound more legitimate but I really dont give a fuck about money. I really dont give a fuck about money. Fuck it dude, like I dont give a fuck about it, dude.

SLUG: So why didnt you guys sign to an indie if you dont care about the money?


Quinn: Every label sucks. At the end of the day, everyone just wants to be cool, swear to God. We want to get our music out to as many people as we can. For anyone who thinks that we just jumped on a major label to have it easy, youre wrong. . .weve been on tour for the last 8 months with very little tour support.

Bert: Yeah, were still roughing it like any other band. Before I was actually involved with the music industry at all, I had the same preconceived notions about major labels as every other punk kid, or kid who wasnt down with bands selling out.

Jeph: Doesnt selling out mean going against everything you believe?


SLUG: To me, a band has only sold out when theyve changed their music to appeal to the masses.


Jeph: Yeah, so were 100% us, and we have the control. So whatever we want is what we do, so theres no way we can sell out. Of course, unless they give us enough money.

Quinn: Can we erase that too?

SLUG: Im going to have to erase this whole interview.


Jeph: Are you going to the show on the 18th?

SLUG: Yeah, I was going to ask you guys about that, if it was just an Orem rumor or not.


Bert: No, its true. And The Starts playing.

Quinn: I love The Start.


SLUG: Did you guys change your name when you signed? I heard it used to be just Used.

Bert: Yeah, it used to be Used, then we changed it to The Used.


SLUG: Why, did someone else already have that name or something?


Bert: No, its just that we heard that bands with "the" in front of their name are doing very well these days. The Strokes. The Hives. The Vines. The White Stripes. But hey, let me say this, fuck The Strokes, fuck The Vines, Fuck the Hives.

SLUG: And The White Stripes?


Bert: Yeah, fuck them too.

Quinn: Can I say something right now? The best band in Utah right now is New Transit Direction.

SLUG: What about The Used?


Bert: You know who the best band in Utah is right now? The New Transit Direction.


You can see The Used with The Start at Suite 13 in Linden on October 18th.